Life Behind the Cell

Dear Diary,

This week, I experimented with vegetables, had my feelings hurt, and continued being a mom to two wonderful boys who deserve the world.

Gahhhh—Lee! There’s a lot happening over here. 😂

The funny thing is, I’m happy and sad—genuinely happy and morbidly sad. I have people I love, things to look forward to, and plenty of reasons to smile. I also have moments when something weighs on my heart longer than I’d like.

I’m learning both can exist at the same time.

This week reminded me how blessed I am with my friendships. Friends showed up for me in ways I didn’t realize I needed: one paused their workday to talk, another offered motivation and a necessary reality check, and another indulged in an impromptu game night.

Y’all, I won $12, and couldn’t NOBODY tell me NOTHING! 😂😂

It’s the little things, I swear.

Those moments didn’t erase what was bothering me, but they reminded me that life continues around whatever I’m feeling. There’s still laughter, memories, and people who genuinely care about me.

I try so hard to show up for others that I sometimes forget how good it feels to let them show up for me. This week, I allowed myself to receive that love without needing everything figured out first.

I’m grateful for friendships that remind me it’s safe to keep letting people in.

Now, speaking of feelings…

Recently, someone I care about hurt mine.

Not y’all trying to get in my business! 😂😂

Seriously, I’ve been sitting with the disappointment, trying to acknowledge it without letting it overshadow everything good in my life.

I’m realizing that I  can miss someone and still be disappointed in them. I can want to talk and still need space. I can care deeply and recognize that something they did didn’t sit right with me.

Apparently, my heart and my mind don’t always read the same book.

Trust is complicated for me. I notice the little things, replay conversations, and sometimes wonder whether I should’ve been more careful with how much of myself I shared.

Still, I choose to see the good in people. I believe they can be genuine, thoughtful, and intentional—and that the love and care I give can be returned.

I actually like that about myself.

I don’t want disappointment to turn me suspicious. I want to get better at trusting myself, listening when something feels wrong, and remembering that protecting my peace doesn’t mean I have to stop being soft.

I’m hopeful, even while I’m healing.

Meanwhile, I’ve been in my kitchen experimenting like somebody’s grandmother passed down a secret family recipe. 😂

This week’s experiment? Cabbage!

A little seasoning, a little tasting, and a lot of wondering what else I could throw in the pot. Sometimes I know exactly what I’m making; other times, I trust the process and hope for the best.

Cooking feels therapeutic—music on, creativity flowing, making something good just because I feel like it.

I want this diary to have room for that side of my life, too: the recipes, kitchen experiments, laughter, everyday experiences, and little moments that may not seem significant until I look back on them.

And of course, I can’t talk about my life without talking about my boys.

My two wonderful boys. ❤️

They deserve the entire world, and if I could hand it to them, I would.

Being their mom is one of the greatest joys of my life. I want them to know they’re loved beyond measure, supported through every season, and free to become exactly who they’re meant to be.

Motherhood takes a lot out of me, but it gives me so much in return. Even when I’m sorting through my own emotions, I’m grateful I get to be their mom. They give me reasons to laugh, keep going, and love in ways I could never fully explain.

And somewhere in the middle of all this living, there’s still sickle cell.

It requires me to be mindful of my body, stress, and emotional load. I’ve learned that what weighs on my heart can eventually take a toll on my body, too.

So I’m practicing grace: resting when I need to, enjoying good days without guilt, and accepting that I don’t have to hold everything together all the time.

I’m still grieving, healing, and learning what trust looks like for me. But I’m also laughing, cooking, loving, parenting, making memories, and genuinely enjoying my life.

That’s worth celebrating.

I’m also learning that not every emotion needs the same response. Sometimes I need to sit with my feelings long enough to understand what they’re asking of me.

So I’ve started asking myself:

1. Am I processing, or am I just pushing through?
2. Do I need a release, or do I need relief?
3. Do I need space, or do I need a solution?

I don’t always need to react, fix everything, or have all the answers. Sometimes understanding what I need is enough.

I don’t have everything figured out, and quite frankly, I don’t think I’m supposed to.

But I have hope, love, friendships that make me feel seen, two amazing boys who fill my heart, and plenty of life left to experience.

I’m looking forward to more good meals, unexpected laughter, memories with my boys, and reminders that life can be beautiful even when it isn’t perfect.

This week hurt my feelings, but it didn’t take away my joy.

There were still meals to make, people to love, $12 to win 😂, and moments worth smiling about.

A full heart can have a few bruises and still be full.

Both belong here.

A little something to sit with 🤔

Have you ever been in a season where you’re genuinely happy with life, but something still weighs on your heart?

How do you make room for both?

I’d love to hear your thoughts because sometimes the most comforting reminder is knowing we’re not the only ones figuring it out.

Until next time ❣️,

Life Behind the Cell